"It's time to face the Truth....I will never Be with You"

This one's actually four years old. You know that Post-Break-Up phase. I wrote this on 14th April 2006 when I bumped into my ex (The Toadman...Okay promise I will stop calling him that after this post), three months after he dumped me. It was at a party and he was with his new girlfriend. It was just like the movies....totally awkward and unplanned (even though I'd spent each and every day in those last three months wishing and wanting to meet him). Here It is....The Stinky Past:

A sea of faces,
I was struggling in.
Time racing; The noise deafening.
I looked into your eyes,
Tranquility swept over.
You looked back at me,
Time was stagnant; And
She stood behind.
My smile was weak & my voice, almost lost.
Your smile was uncertain;
You had no words.
I walked on by.
You lead her through.
I felt exhausted.
I'd lost You.

Tonight I write the Saddest Lines

As a part of my course, I did Pablo Neruda's poem in my Under-grad level a couple of years ago. It was called: Tonight I write the saddest lines. It was in translation (Of course!)
Those of you, who have read the poem know how simple yet deep the lines are. Those of you who haven't, I'd like to share the poem with you and my thoughts on it. So this is not a regular post of stuff that I do or that happen to me. Read It If and when you have the time:


Tonight I write the saddest lines,
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."  [Notice how he states that its night and obviously night = without light= darkness. He says the sky is full of stars but uses the word "shiver" for stars when people usually say the stars twinkled; Also the mention of the "blue" night]

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.  [Isn't it such a haunting picture. I can almost hear the wind crying in this line]

Tonight I write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.  [Such blatant truth layered with some amount of uncertainty in such a simple line]

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her. [The truth again, in a tone full or regret and remorse]
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? [The bigger truth: If he had the opportunity to love her again, He would]

Tonight I write the saddest lines.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.  [Forsaken, Betrayed, Crushed. The pain is almost physical. To have had her once and to have lost her is excruciating]

To hear the immense night, more immense without her. ["Hear" the night says he's alone. It describes his solitude and loneliness. The silence is deafening and his desolation, a tribulation; Also the use of the word "immense" to describe how vast and void the night is] And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. [How these sad, depressing lines actually brings the reader some sort of relief because he/she can identify & relate]

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her. [Helpless yet the desire and his longing to have just one sight of her] 
My heart searches for her and she is not with me. [Defeat and Disappointment] 

The same night that whitens the same trees. [How time flies by and separates them; forcing them to be somewhere else, to be somebody else, even If they may not wan it]
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her. [ The lie: I no longer love her" because he wants to deny it but somehow he cannot even lie. He goes right ahead in the nest line and even though he uses the past tense, It is evident that he still loves her]
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear. [ I could cry in this line.He sounds vanquished and broken]

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.  [The harsh truth that when Its over, Its only over because something new has to begin. The acrid truth that he will be or probably has been replaced]

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her. [ The insanity creeping in and deliberate confusion taking over]
Love is so short and oblivion so long. [ Love dies but memories come back to haunt you over and over again. Love is concise but forgetting takes more than one life time]

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.  [Despite the denial and confusion in the earlier lines, He eventually admits that He is missing her]

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her. [ He ends the poem with a lie, knowing that he is lying; knowing that the readers don't believe him because when he lies, he escapes from this coarse reality; And escaping looks like the only sane thing left for him to do]
Tonight I write the saddest lines 

The Photoshop Magic

His Name Is Khan

Shah Rukh Khan needs no introduction. The man is undoubtedly the King of Bollywood. I know some people "hate" him and often have something negative to say when I proclaim that I am one of his biggest fans and I Love all his movies (Yes, including Ram Jaane and Maya Memsaab and Guddu). The reason I adore him is far beyond what he portrays on screen and appears to be as an actor. For a Delhi boy with no Godfathers in the industry, it was almost an impossible task to make it big in the films but he has done it because he is extraordinary and he was born to do this. (Just like Sachin Tendulkar was born to play cricket & Kobe Bryant was born to play basketball).
I watched My Name Is Khan recently and obviously, I loved the film. I agree It didn't have a great script like the recent favourite, 3 idiots but SRK works magic in all his films and thats the reason he has fans like me. I think he's already answered his critics with his spectacular performance in Chak De India and now playing an autistic person suffering from Asperger's Syndrome in MNIK, I can say, He has answered them well!
People have this thing for comparison you know. They compare him to Big B and Amir Khan and Salman Khan and the infamous comparison with Hrithik Roshan in 2000 when Kaho Na Pyaar Hai was released is something which all of us will remember. The thing is, these people are all good actors! Why should we compare them? Is it some sort of insecurity? There needs to be no need for this sort of co-relative discrimination!
I have shed buckets of tears watching him lose his lover in Devdas; I have howled and had puffy swollen eyes after watching him die in Kal Ho Na Ho; I have wished He'd get Kiiiiiran instead of Sunny Deol in Daar! There is something about SRK that makes me want to adore him and make sure that he achieves success in all his movies.
I cannot put it in one sentence and say why He deserves all of this. There is a reason why he is called the King  and not everybody can reach the zeniths and stay there like him.
When you are born with a name like Shah Rukh (meaning: Noble Face or Royal Face) you know that you are sent from the Heavens to rule people's hearts. I guess it's his eyes, or perhaps his radiating personality or may be its everything about him that makes me and millions of his fans adore him.
Inshal-allah! May success kiss his feet like it always has and may he live a thousand years!
Yes, his name is KHAN and believe me, that's one name you will never forget!

The Death Of a Toadman

Let me give away a little woman secret....Most women have a PEOPLE TO KILL list and this list usually features some of the top notch people from the lady's dramatic life. More often than not, the list begins with the Ex-Boyfriend. That hyphenated word does not include every man that you have been in the past. If he features on this list, It probably refers to that one asshole who screwed up your life in more than one way and never said sorry. [Note***In some cases, It features more than one asshole]


So yeah, I have this list and It has the names of some people whose death would bring me more joy than any man has ever felt. (Probably more joy than the first orgasm every experienced by any human). I am not going to talk about all the people who appear on my list but just this one douchebag who looks like a toad (which also suggests that If at all toads become an endangered species then, we have nothing to worry about because we will have TOADMAN to save the planet!)

This Toadman, I met him when I was 17 and he was 25. (My friend Angelo said, "Some people go to jail for that"); And then of course, time stood still and the flowers bloomed and the birds sang and then without any warning, a tsunami struck!I don't need to get into the details of how things were and how they changed. Most of you know what I am talking about.(Yes, Yes, his constant cheating and his lies and the violent fights) The thing is Its been four years since the catastrophe struck and I was doing well and good cos I hadn't seen or heard from him or about him until this morning.....

I was bored to death and was browsing facebook so I was going through a common friend's photos and there I saw the Toadman...Older, Uglier, Deformed, Almost Frightening...totally grotesque you know! (I am afraid to sleep now, lest I have nightmares about the Toadman). The thing is when I saw him, my heart started beating faster, my breath ran short and like my friend, Tamdin said, I felt like this current flowing through my body making me feel "chui chui". 
I hate him
I hate him
I hate him
I hate him......

The hurt, the pain, the agony all came back like this huge wave and hit me so hard! Then, I thought, I have to kill him. Now obviously, I cannot kill him for real so I thought I'd kill him fictitiously. Imagine:

The Toadman, helpless and ugly lies crouched and tied in a dark corner (after being drugged and beaten up worse than The Rock beat up HHH in Wrestlemania 2002). The Toadman regains consciousness and Wonder Woman throws him a hard punch straight on the face as blood spills all over and he whines like a feeble animal when caught in a hunter's trap. Then Wonder Woman takes a clipper and slowly pulls his nails right off his fingers. More blood....More crying and an evil laughter echoes in that dark corner. She takes a sharp blade and begins to make small cuts all over his body, not deep cuts though, those small but acute cuts that prick like hell. He pleads and begs Wonder Woman to stop but Wonder Woman has waited for this all her life and she looks into his shallow eyes and taking a fork, digs right into his eyes and pulls it out of the socket. The nerves and veins tingle like ramen when picked up with a chopstick from a bowl.
He cries!
She laughs!
Red Nile keeps flowing like a river. She takes a hammer and some nails and slowly beings hammering them into his knees and elbows. Then, taking a sledgehammer she puts in all her strength and crushes his testicles. His howls fill the room but It doesn't surpass the walls because Her anger and vengeful desire has them well covered. She takes a machete and slowly cuts his heart open. Just as she is about to pull it out, she stops.
"Please don't kill me," he begs, barely able to speak.
She looks at him, grabs his hair and as a heinous smile spreads on her lips, she says, "Your wish is my command"
And as he lies there, half dead, alone, dissected, slaughtered with only a whiff of air left to breathe, he mutters, "I am sorry......"
Too late....Wonder Woman has disappeared into the shadows, never to be seen again!

So yeah, this list that I have, features others as well but you know what? This particular bastard is going to die a thousand deaths so until next time, let's leave that mofo dying in the corner. Watch out for my next post ;)