"Who in the World am I?Ah! That's the great puzzle"

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Death Of a Toadman

Let me give away a little woman secret....Most women have a PEOPLE TO KILL list and this list usually features some of the top notch people from the lady's dramatic life. More often than not, the list begins with the Ex-Boyfriend. That hyphenated word does not include every man that you have been in the past. If he features on this list, It probably refers to that one asshole who screwed up your life in more than one way and never said sorry. [Note***In some cases, It features more than one asshole]

So yeah, I have this list and It has the names of some people whose death would bring me more joy than any man has ever felt. (Probably more joy than the first orgasm every experienced by any human). I am not going to talk about all the people who appear on my list but just this one douchebag who looks like a toad (which also suggests that If at all toads become an endangered species then, we have nothing to worry about because we will have TOADMAN to save the planet!)

This Toadman, I met him when I was 17 and he was 25. (My friend Angelo said, "Some people go to jail for that"); And then of course, time stood still and the flowers bloomed and the birds sang and then without any warning, a tsunami struck!I don't need to get into the details of how things were and how they changed. Most of you know what I am talking about.(Yes, Yes, his constant cheating and his lies and the violent fights) The thing is Its been four years since the catastrophe struck and I was doing well and good cos I hadn't seen or heard from him or about him until this morning.....

I was bored to death and was browsing facebook so I was going through a common friend's photos and there I saw the Toadman...Older, Uglier, Deformed, Almost Frightening...totally grotesque you know! (I am afraid to sleep now, lest I have nightmares about the Toadman). The thing is when I saw him, my heart started beating faster, my breath ran short and like my friend, Tamdin said, I felt like this current flowing through my body making me feel "chui chui". 
I hate him
I hate him
I hate him
I hate him......

The hurt, the pain, the agony all came back like this huge wave and hit me so hard! Then, I thought, I have to kill him. Now obviously, I cannot kill him for real so I thought I'd kill him fictitiously. Imagine:

The Toadman, helpless and ugly lies crouched and tied in a dark corner (after being drugged and beaten up worse than The Rock beat up HHH in Wrestlemania 2002). The Toadman regains consciousness and Wonder Woman throws him a hard punch straight on the face as blood spills all over and he whines like a feeble animal when caught in a hunter's trap. Then Wonder Woman takes a clipper and slowly pulls his nails right off his fingers. More blood....More crying and an evil laughter echoes in that dark corner. She takes a sharp blade and begins to make small cuts all over his body, not deep cuts though, those small but acute cuts that prick like hell. He pleads and begs Wonder Woman to stop but Wonder Woman has waited for this all her life and she looks into his shallow eyes and taking a fork, digs right into his eyes and pulls it out of the socket. The nerves and veins tingle like ramen when picked up with a chopstick from a bowl.
He cries!
She laughs!
Red Nile keeps flowing like a river. She takes a hammer and some nails and slowly beings hammering them into his knees and elbows. Then, taking a sledgehammer she puts in all her strength and crushes his testicles. His howls fill the room but It doesn't surpass the walls because Her anger and vengeful desire has them well covered. She takes a machete and slowly cuts his heart open. Just as she is about to pull it out, she stops.
"Please don't kill me," he begs, barely able to speak.
She looks at him, grabs his hair and as a heinous smile spreads on her lips, she says, "Your wish is my command"
And as he lies there, half dead, alone, dissected, slaughtered with only a whiff of air left to breathe, he mutters, "I am sorry......"
Too late....Wonder Woman has disappeared into the shadows, never to be seen again!

So yeah, this list that I have, features others as well but you know what? This particular bastard is going to die a thousand deaths so until next time, let's leave that mofo dying in the corner. Watch out for my next post ;)